Ready for a dating update? Shocker alert- The Joker made a reappearance. You see, glaring silence just isn’t acceptable. So I did what you should never ever do and reached out about 2 weeks ago, and casual conversation began again and then just as quickly as it started, it stopped again. Without warning. After I revealed some very exciting life news, he legit just didn’t respond. In this post, you’re probably going to learn a few things about me – the first being that literally the worst thing someone can do to me is ignore me. Like really, if you’re brainstorming a list of “Ways to Hurt L” just don’t pay attention to me. It’s really that simple. I’m THAT much of an attention-whore.
After his lack of response to my aforementioned exciting life news, I was actually done. I wasn’t going to send a “hey see I can be funny and charming and friendly even when you’re an asshole and obviously read my text BECAUSE WHOA YOU HAVE READ RECEIPTS TURNED ON but haven’t responded in 4 days” follow up text. And guess what, I didn’t. I didn’t reach out and I was too hurt by his silence to even stalk his social media accounts just to make sure he hadn’t died. Update – he didn’t die, and I know this because he sent me a text the day after Thanksgiving. The text was a bullshit opener that I should have ignored considering he hadn’t spoken to me in 7 days, but guess what! I can’t ignore people – it’s just not good manners. Like c’mon, the simplest thing in the world is to respond to a text message.
So on Black Friday, The Joker and I started talking again. About mindless small-talky things but we were talking. And we kept talking through Sunday when he came over to my apartment with champagne and orange juice and a lightbulb to fix the one that had burnt out in my closet 28 days earlier. We spent the afternoon rearranging my apartment to accommodate the 6 foot tall faux Christmas tree my mother felt it necessary I own. He then offered up great ornament arrangement advice (No, I did not put all my disco ball ornaments on the same branch, but I appreciated the feedback). We watched the LCD Soundsystem documentary and did some canoodling and basically it was the perfect Sunday. He left to go watch a local sports team win but still lose (soccer is confusing), and I spent the rest of the day texting my girlfriends about my poor decision making habits because I did what everyone tells you not to do – I gave the guy a second shot. I have a long history of doing this and weird, it literally has never worked even one singular time.
Girls: Don’t do what I did. Don’t let a dude who was an asshole to you in the very recent past into your apartment slash life just because he’s nice to you for 4 days in a row. That’s just dumb, and we should all know better. And yet, here I am telling you another story about crashing and burning with the same guy.
Once the game was over, he invited me to his apartment to watch a movie I hadn’t seen before (which is most movies because hi if it’s not a romcom or Jurassic Park I probably haven’t seen it). We then proceeded to watch 2 hours of music videos by the likes of Mariah Carey and Boys II Men and Har Mar Superstar and he sloppily sung along into my ear on the couch. It was adorable, and guys doesn’t this story make it sound like everything was going great! Well it was, until he started talking about the other girl he’s seeing and went on and on about her. By “on and on” I mean it probably only lasted about 30 seconds before his face dropped and he realized he was talking about being with another girl while I was literally still in his bed.
Mom – if you’re reading this, please stop reading this dating blog forever and ever.
Here’s the thing: I don’t care that he’s dating someone else. It’s fine that he’s seeing other people because uh I’m a rational human and exclusivity is a conversation between two people and shouldn’t ever be assumed especially considering I’ve only known this dude existed for the last 30 days. I don’t care that he’s seeing someone else, what I care about is what happened next. He basically shut down. Actually not basically, he totally shut down. He knew he’d just said something shitty and had hurt my feelings, and instead of reacting and attempting to salvage the situation, he shuttered himself. We could have had a conversation about it like adult people but nope, he just stopped talking. I did what I always do and tried to reassure him that it was fine because that’s what I wanted to happen. I wanted him to pull me in and kiss me and for us to just scoot over that snafu and talk about it over drinks a day or two later. But nope, he laid in bed with his hands covering his face and didn’t say another word as I collected my belongings in the dark. He didn’t make a single move to stop me – and THAT my friends is what really hurt. I walked the 2 blocks back to my apartment at 1:30 in the morning feeling just really really shitty about myself.
As I’m writing this, I realize that I probably sound like a really needy female. Based on my perceptions only and not founded on any particular research, when women “complain” about dating or men or being treated poorly, it’s considered silly or trivial. Talking about my feelings is something the men I’ve dated have conditioned me not to do because I tend to date emotionally stunted withholders. Hi all my exes reading this, sorry if I just told you something you didn’t know about yourself! I don’t want to be that girl who talks about her issues/feels/hurts and be vulnerable, I want to be the girl who can just move on with it and get over it and hey let’s make a joke about this in 2 weeks. These days, I’m trying to be more of both those girls because I think that’s a whole hell of a lot more balanced. I will poke fun at myself when I’m being a neurotic emotional mess, but I also really want to train myself that it’s okay NOT to poke fun at myself when I’m feeling defeated and sad and disappointed.
So right now I don’t feel like being funny. Dating isn’t funny when actual feelings are involved and those actual feelings are hurt. The reason people always advise you not to give someone a second shot is because of situations like these. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because he made me laugh and has great taste in music and is so so handsome. Frankly even now while I throw myself a pity-party I still want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s a self proclaimed mess. As the daughter of a former housecleaner, I want to clean up messes. It’s basically in my DNA I think. That’s how DNA works I’m pretty sure.
This morning after I spent some additional time wallowing and listening to sad-girl music, he texted to apologize for drinking too much and saying something that hurt my feelings. So here I sit, wanting to give this handsome funny mess of a man more of my interest because another thing you should know about me: I don’t really know when to quit. Despite what I like to tell myself.